Breaking Down (Parts of) The NBA Draft

Normally, I would use this oppourtinity to supplement the already content-rich http://1shiningmoment.blogspot.com/, however, I wouldn't want to hold contributors RK and PS responsible for my intoxicated thoughts. The NBA Draft is officially less than one week away from starting, and there is the usual smattering of retarded thoughts going around about the prospects and their abilities.



Point one: Mike Conley Jr. is overrated. Being compared to Tony Parker means that a player has a lot of quickness and no outside shot. Put Tony Parker on one of the lottery teams, and you have a light skinned and funny talking T.J. Ford on your team. Who wants that?

Point two: Joakim Noah still can't shoot. You would think teams would have learned from the Stromile Swift and Tyrus Thomas lottery picks that you should never waste a top five pick on a guy who can't put the ball in the bucket. Imagine going to your local rec center, and wasting your first pick on a guy whose only asset is rebounding. You're going to be really pissed when that motherfucker decides to jack up every shot that hits their hands because they are wide open. In the NBA, what's to keep teams from backing off of Noah every time he leaves his four foot comfort zone? The only positive for his early entry is we, as a sports community, finally have a player who actually deserves to get Rudy T'd on the court. Please, Ron-Ron. Read my blog. Knock this bitch out the first time you see him.

Point three: Bill Simmons is still an asshat. Not much to say here, but Simmons is less knowledgable than my wife.

Point four: Brandon Wright is overrated...just like Marvin Williams. Can anybody explain what's so special about this motherfucker? Living in the heart of ACC country, I have yet to see Wright show anything on the court that is worthy of a lottery selection. Sure, he's 19 and could develop into an all-star, but at the same time, he doesn't have the intensity that would convince me that he will be an all-star. If you look at players who look ready for the NBA who play in college, they tear through their opposition. Do you think Greg Oden would have been shown up by James Gist and Kenny Ibekwe this past year? That happened to Wright when he went to College Park this February. Avoid this darky like the plauge.

(and,yes, I am fully aware that he's likely to turn into a 16 time all-star, and seven time MVP. Just color me unimpressed. And drunk)

Guess who's back?

Lost? Over.

The Office? Finished.

Go out and exercise? Nigga please.

I guess it's time for me to pour out a glass, and start updating THE NOVA REPORT once again. A few things that have been bugging the hell out of me:

- the Nationals' season has been seen before. Unfortunately, it was the pre-strip board of Rachel Phelps in Major League. This team is so fucking abysmal, people are renewing their season tickets at the dump better known as RFK just to ensure they get priority seating at the new stadium on the waterfront.

(sidenote-- that area used to be popluated by a number of gay stripclubs. I can just see some disoriented queer stumbling out of trunk in a gimp suit looking for the Sweaty Bollocks and finding 40,000 people cheering chisled men in tight pants...only to pass out in euphoria)

This team is so bad, there is no "This is what they should do". There is so much involved in that situation, it would involved megatrades, a bottomless wallet for free agents, and Bill Simmons' disregard for reality. Here's how the Nats should improve: spend any monies to build a time machine, to not fire Frank Robinson, to not trade Livian Hernandez for dickfuzz, and to try to acquire some DECENT pitching instead of quick fix fucksticks like Christian Guzman. Is that so god damned hard?

- iTunes, consider yourself on notice. Is there a way to have separate libraries? If not, then Apple should stop running those prententious ads, and fucking address this situation. There have been way too many times when I have pulled up to an intersection to have my race/gender/age demographic fitting song end, only to blast (at full volume) Lisa Loeb, Vanessa Carlton, or any retard music that my wife has found necessary to download onto our PC. Sure, you change the song two seconds in, but the damage is done. The 18 year old hotties in the car next to you heard it, and saw the "Oh shit" expression on your face. Apple. You may have found a way to integrate a bunch of "cool" shit onto your computers, but until you make it known how to separate libraries, consider yourself on notice. Yes, I realize that I can delete these tracks off of my ipod, but I am not into the extra effort. Nor am I about to delete them from the PC, and not have them update on my wife's ipod. No sir. I'll pass on that asskicking.

- In case you were wondering, here's a cyncial outlook of my favorite five hip-hop groups/artists are:

5. Jay-Z: I have warmed to Joe Camel more recently than others. I can appreciate where he is in life, in that he is comfortable with having proved himself in every facet of the business; but his ranking was docked significantly by Ether. I mean, come on. The audio of him stuttering and at a loss for words really made him out to be a bigger bitch than he really needed to be portrayed as. Favorite Jigga Track: Bitches and Sistas from The Blueprint 2.

4. Nas: Esco gets major, major negative points for his inability to take over the rap game. You want an NBA comparison? He's the Dirk Nowitzki of rap. This motherfucker changed the game in 1994 with Illmatic, and what has he done since? Three good albums, but still gets lashed out at relative lightweights in the game like Jim Jones. Some people have it, and some people don't. Nasir Jones does not have it. Favorite Nas Track: Undying Love from I Am.

3. Outkast: So much versatility, but Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, could you have at least tried to make Speakerboxxx/The Love Below not so unjointed? Look-- you guys have different styles, and I appreciate that, but at the same time, it's not an official Outkast album with three (or was it four?) songs with both of you. Favorite Outkast Track: Elevators from Atliens.

2. Notorious B.I.G.: Why can't you have been bulletproof? Life After Death, despite being bloated and overproduced in spots, had some classic material, but no. You decided to be the big man you were, and venture out to LA six months after your main rival's death. Yeah, smart planning there. At least you made that greazy little niglet Puffy rich off of this. Favorite BIG track: Niggas Bleed, Somebody's Got to Die, Victory, Get Money, or Flava In Your Ear remix. I can't pick one, and can't expect any BIG fan to do the same.




1. Wu-Tang Clan: Blew out of the gates with classic stuff-- 36 Chambers, Ironman, Cuban Linx, Liquid Swords, Tical, Return to the 36 Chambers, Wu-Tang Forever-- but things got ugly shortly after. Some say complacency as, the Wu was everywhere in 1996. Everybody remembers "Me and Mariah" going back like babies with pacifiers. Others, the Wu got too comfortable with their own success. So, wha happened in my eyes? Well, the RZA stopped producing the cuts on the albums to concentrate on his (wack) Bobby Digital alterego, Cappadonna lost his fucking mind and decided to drive a cab and be homeless, and the sad, sad situation of ODB. Wu-Tang is truly for the children. I mean, Puffy aight, but Wu-Tang is for the babies. It's truly a shame. Favorite Wu-Tang track: Visionz from Wu-Tang Forever.

Boo Diet. Horray College Football!

So far, we're three and a half hours into the inaugral weekend of college football. Here are some of my notes:

- ESPN's selection in music is just apalling. Nevermind the Soul Asylum song that is played pre-game and before/after commercial breaks; Big and Rich are back with their abortion "Coming to Your City". Now, I understand the reason why it could be a good song choice-- the GameDay crew goes city to city each week. It's cute. But good lord...does ANYBODY like that song? I am not sure if coon-ass Cowboy Troy is around, but Big and Rich is not college football. It's not even soccer. It's county fair/rodeo. Please, oh please Tom Cruise, make it stop. Conversely, the music for ABC Sports sounds like a DJ Premier beat from 1994. Way to go Worldwide Leader. You lead the way in douchbaggery.

- Stacey Dales needs to be on screen more. Maybe ABC could do the whole full circle thing and just put a camera on her all game, even if it's just a small PiP screen of her doing mundane things like eating a hot dog, licking an ice cream cone, applying her lipstick, etc. Would any straight person complain?

- Here's a best-case scenario for anybody who's a college football fan: ABC finds a way for Keith Jackson to broadcast games from home. Saturdays are just not the same without him. We all miss his musk.

- Why would a team play Ted Ginn one on one on the outside? Seriously. That has got to be the most asinine strategy in sports.

- We need better early-season games. I say at least 3-4 per weekend before the conference games start. Instead of feasting on D-IAA patsies, why couldn't Virginia Tech and Iowa matchup for a home and home? It just seems like the best thing, because a loss early to a good opponent is something you can recover from-- like Florida State in 2000 national title game. I think teams should be penalized (per point) in the polls for how many touchdowns/field goals they give up to a lesser-division team. And if you lose to them, you're banned from bowl games for a decade. It should NEVER happen. Either that, or stop allowing those victories to count toward the BCS standing and/or bring back strength of schedule, or institute a playoff. Just a thought.

I'll be back...

America...Fuck No! Sort of.

So, Team America decides to drop one to a bunch of swarthy butt-pirates in the World Championships, and I have already gone through a range of emotions. Part of me is disappointed that the games started too fucking early to watch them on television. I mean, seriosuly, who gives a fuck if there is nobody there to see it live? The real money comes from American broadcasting rights. No need for a bunch of Japanese people to clap politely and engage in Mormonesque trash-talking. Then I was angry, because the team made me look like a (bigger) idiot due to my prediction of gold. But now, some 18 minutes after, I am relieved. This team showed improvement from the last showing in the World Championships (6th in Indy) and a similar showing to how they did in Athens (3rd). The team was missing it's two best outside shooters (Ray Allen and Michael Redd), arguably it's best perimeted defender (Kobe Bryant) and the most athletic big man in the world (Amare Stoudemire). So what does this mean? Well, for starters, say good by to Antawn Jamison, Joe Johnson, Shane Battier and Brad Miller. Your spots are pretty much gone. Secondly, it means that when Team America reloads for the North America/Caribbean qualifying tournament, I would expect Dream Team in 92 results. You don't want to piss off a sleeping giant, and I think that the bearded ass-fuckers from Greece just did that.

Survivor? Fuck yeah!

I have obtained a projected copy of the so-called immunity challenges from the latest season of Survivor: Race War, executive produced by David Duke.

Challenge #1 : The survivors are placed in a bamboo office, and given an application for a home loan in the amount of $500,000. The team that comes away with the highest interest rate will have to lose one of their members. Projected winners: Whites; Sleeper: Hispanics (will have large cash downpayment from day labor jobs)

Challenge #2: The survivors are given a 2-seat rickshaw to cover a 3 mile path. First team to get all of their members to the end of the path wins. Projected Winners: Hispanics...in one trip

Challenge #3: Swim Meet. First team to win a relay race wins. Projected Winners: Hispanics (if they're Mexicans), Whites (if the Hispanics are not Mexicans); Guaranteed Losers: Blacks (but will win the moisturizing contest afterwards)

People who Can Die A Fiery Death

Here's a list of people who die a fiery death:

Rooney Doodle
Moe Doodle
Wilmer Valderamma
The asshole who decided an Arby's would be a better fit in our local shopping center than a Chick Fil A.
The fuckface who thinks church is more important than Chick Fil A being open on Sunday
The bitch at Popeyes who forgot my order of butterfly shrimp yesterday
Nik Caner-Medley
Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Human Resources at my current employer (experience my ass...everybody knows you don't want a smart BLACK man to advance in your company. Say it, motherfucker! You was gon call me a nigga, weren't you?)
Lee Humphrey

Redskins Report

Last night, my hometown Washington Redskins were embarassed on national television by the Cincinnati Bengals. Granted, 19-3 is nothing to jump off of a bridge for in the preseason. Here are some the positives:

* The pass protection was amazing. Brunell appeared to have all day to throw, which is important in this vertical passing game.

* The absence of Antwaan Randle-El was perfect. I predict that he will be the true X-factor when Washington opens the season without Portis. If the defense can keep the game close, the difference maker will be if they can execute a backbreaking trick play.

* The first team defense played hungry. Anthony Wright may suck, but there are quite a few suck-ass quarterbacks in the NFL. Should be another stellar season from the defense.

But let's not start sucking each other's dicks yet. There were a few things that were alarming as hell that jumped off of my television:

* Mark Brunell looked god-awful last night. Here's a guy who has been lauded by many (including yours truly) for being a smart quarterback who will not make big mistakes. Well, last night, he shit that theory right out of his pretentious Christian asshole. His interception to Keiwan Ratliff not only resulted in the dislocated shoulder of Clinton Portis, but was scarily reminscient of his 2004 season where he battled nagging injuries all season. If Brunell is hurt, the coaching and training staff must sit him out. He is too vital to this offense to run around and risk his crusty knees getting busted up on a bootleg.

* The Redskins are painfully thin at running back. When Portis came out, we were treated to a three headed monster that wouldn't strike fear into the Virginia Tech front seven. Out of all of the clowns who ran the ball, Mike Sellers was the only one who was effective and could be counted on to gain more than 14 inches per rush. If Ladell Betts' hamstrings continue to be a problem, this team is going to sputter until Portis returns.

* Reed Doughty...nice knowing you kid. You got your dick handed to you twice on national TV. Here's to the Greely, Col. UPS distribution center having an opening for the early shift.

* Did I mention quarterback woes? Todd Collins sucks. The man is straight ass-water.

Until next week...Go Skins.

Slow Fantasy, Intriuging Thriler

Evening readers...NOVA here with the 10th installment of The NOVA Report. As always, this post is brought to you by the good people at Jack Daniels, the whiskey in the square bottle.

This weekend, I watched two movies-- the Chronicles of Narnia and Inside Man. The former was a tremendous disservice to the novel, and the latter being an interesting thriller (with 48 mins left) that is worth your time.

My main beef with the Chronicle of Narnia is that it moves through the novel way too fucking fast. The beauty of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is that it was paced to the point that it introduced enough expositionary material that when the climax came, you knew everything. The movie version does the opposite-- it rushes you into the plot way too fast, and really does a shameful rendition of one of the better works of children's fiction. The kids who play the sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve are great, but the pacing of this movie is lame as balls. Definintely hovers in the range of "rent, not buy" and "catch on cable".

"Inside Man" is a great flick with 45 minutes remaining. There is a lot unanswered questions, but I did figure out the reason why Jodie Foster was introduced into the movie. I'll update you guys.

UPDATE: Finished Inside Man, and give it a strong recommendation. Everything at the end is pretty much laid out for you, but still a good watch.

Looking forward, me and the family are heading over the to the National Zoo tomorrow to see the monkeys and the panda cubs. Horray family time! Fuck yeah! Why waste your time at the gym when you can go out and chase your kid at the zoo? America! FUCK YEAH!

Black Family Reunion

What's up, loyal readers? Long time, no update huh??

Today was the date of my mother's family reunion, and I have to say i was mildly disappointed. In 2000, I attended a monstrous affair on my father's side and figured all family reunions were that way. Today was the exception to the rule-- there were only 20 people there, none of which gave a fuck what was going on, and for the most part, was a tame affair. The worst thing about the entire day was when three random negroes decided to "document" my brother and I talking about our history. Now, as a history major, i was warmed that someone would go this far for primary sources; but as a hot mother fucker, standing outside in northern Virginia heat in blue jeans and a black shirt, I was pissed. Three negroes with (stolen) cameras? Sounds like a little bit of excess, don't you think? Needless to say, this entry is going to suck. Just like the last one.

Stay posted, as the college football and upcoming pro football season will bring more updates, as well as the USA basketball team in the World Championships.

On that note, I am happy to see that the Americans are kicking ass as expected. As a rec-league basketball coach slash armchair analyst, I think that Coach K has done two really important things right-- he has assembled a coaching staff that covers his weaknesses of zone defense and dealing with pro personnel (Boeheim and D'Antoni) and a team that has the right pieces to show planet Earth who runs basketball. Carmelo Anthony's dominance thus far should not come as a surprise-- he played in an incredibly Euro college system at Syracuse and has a skill-set that is very becoming of the international game. In fact, I would venture as far to say that Melo is 10 times better than Lebron when it comes to the international game due to his outside-inside ability to play offense.

What I can do, is let you know that I am catching up on season one of Lost...possibly the most gripping show on television. I am two episodes into the fifth disc, meaning there are about six more episodes left. If you're not a fan of the show at this point, you NEED to get your ass to Best Buy and buy this set. Now, bitchez. If you have kids, send them to the grandparents for the weekend and watch these discs.

Don't Call it a Comeback (Please)

I don't understand why artists like Ice Cube, Lionel Ritchie, Stevie Wonder and Prince are tarnishing their legacies by attempting these so-called comebacks. Nobody wants to hear Ice Cube collaborate with Lil' Jon-- the younger fans are wondering why Craig from Friday is rapping, and older fans are cringing at the fact that he's on a crunk track. Ditto for Stevie Wonder.

Look-- keep it simple, stupids. Instead of cutting an album with some weak-ass attempt to get radio-play, why not do a HUGE megatour and make some serious loot? You can't tell me that black people (and minority loving whiteys) NATIONWIDE wouldn't pay $60 to see Stevie Wonder do a 90 minute set where he ONLY plays his classic stuff. There's a reason why Luther Vandross' most recent album (Dance with My Father) was disregarded, while his Live at Radio City concert album was so heralded-- people don't want you to fall into the trap of being contemporary.

How to Not Get Your Ass Kicked Over a Video Game

1. NEVER LOOK AT YOUR OPPONENTS PLAY. If you're the defensive team, look away until the play is picked. This is akin to peeking over the urinal wall while pissing.

2. MAKE THE MATCHUPS AS EVEN AS POSSIBLE When you first purchase the game, don't get yourself used to playing with the #1 team out of the box if you know your buddy likes to use a lessor opponent.

3. ALWAYS PLAY BEST OF 3/5/7 Always give your opponent a chance to redeem himself. Nothing worse than douchebag who cuts the system off after the first game because he won. If time permits, always play a best of series, using the same teams, and alternating home fields until the decisive game, and then playing at a neutral site.

4. DON'T ABUSE MONEY PLAYS Everybody knows that there is always one or two plays that the AI cannot ever defend. Use these plays sparingly.

5. PLAY FOURTH DOWN REALISTICALLY Good rule of thumb is to always punt when your on your own G-40 and kick a field goal between their 40-21. Anything inside the red zone, however, is fair game.

6. PROTECT THE SANCTITY OF RECORDS
Any records set below the difficulty of All-American/All-Pro are null and void. Nothing beats reading an IM/blog entry/article on ESPN.com by one of your favorite writers to see him beating the Colts 70-3 on All-Madden...without them mentioning the fact that they turned all of the human sliders up and all of the computer sliders down. In that same vein...

7. ALWAYS SAVE USER PROFILES
If you get your ass handed to you by the computer, man up, and take the big, fat L. Anybody who's got a perfect user profile is not a great player. They're just the kind of guy you don't trust in the same room with your girlfriend after you pass out/breakup, because he's coming through with a bottle of white zinfandel and a white Red Sox cap Wolf you faggot ass bitch.

8. TALK SHIT
There is no such thing a good winner in video games. Talk shit early, talk shit late. But just remember, what comes around, goes around.

9. VISITORS GET THE SHITTY CONTROLLER
No ifs, ands or buts about it. Under no circumstances should the host be forced to use third-party/broken controllers. If you want to use the good shit, how about inviting them over to your place to drink YOUR beer/booze, eat YOUR food and piss on YOUR toliet seat.

10. NO GIRLS ALLOWED
The presence of a female during the gaming experience is stricly prohibited. They do not understand the complexities of a vitrual third and eight from your opponent's 43 yard line late in the fourth quarter of a close game. They are a needy bunch who will undoubtedly ruin your fun. Exception: She's bringing you a sandwich, or cold beverage. Other than that, get your ass back in the kitchen, Betsy.

11. SUBSTITUTE LIKE A MAN
If you're going to be a dick, and put your #1 wide receiver in the slot, at least has the balls to allow your opponent to make the neccessary adjustment. Likewise, don't put your fourth wide receiver in as your second tight end. It just ain't right.

ITALY WINS TEH WORLD CUOP!!!1111!!!!1

Well, after a month of shameless promotion at the hands of the Worldwide Leader and it's parent company, Satanco, the World Cup has ended, with Italy winning a gripping shootout against France, 5-4. The game was marred, unfortunately, by physical play, including a vicious headbutt by Zidane. His unwelcome display of testerone, frustration, and out and out brutish behavior was in stark contrast to the typically welcomed display of estrogenical flailing, faux injuries and of course, behavior that rivals most high school dramas in terms of actual acting abilities.


By the way, I guess ABC felt the need to remind America that the center of the sports universe is Boston. Following the Italians moment of triumph, we were treated to a cutaway to Rome and then to the Bean...where I suppose WORLD CUP FEVER has eclipsed the fever pitch of the Sawx. Regardless, you would think that the good people in TV would have cut to a place where there are a lot of Italian soccer fanatics. Like Italy. But, regardless, until The Big Stein buys Disney-- and rightfully sending ARod for his princess dress fitting-- this is what we're stuck with.

Endorsed Pedophilia, XBox UNO, and a Retraction

Let me get this straight:

Bad: pictures of bikini clad 12-15 year old preteens on your computer
Perfectly okay, in fact, probably encouraged: Paying $5 to watch bikini clad 12-15 year old preteens wash your car

I guess you supply your own hot wax.

***

I am currently the 6,781st ranked Xbox Live UNO player in the world. Yes, this is what I did on my week off from work; no, I am not proud of it.

***

Last night's entry has been retracted. No need incriminating myself on the Interweb.

Black People...Fuck Yeah

While I run the risk of being derivitive, but here is an amazing video of a Maury Povich paternity test show; this four minute and thirteen second clip is niggerdom at it's peak of unbridled ignorance.

Ranking Hip-Hop's Hypemen

For those of us who have seen a live hip-hop performance-- either in person or on television-- it is, paraphrasing Steve Harvey, 40 motherfuckers on stage at one time screaming every other word at different times. It's a mess.

But there are a few, who standout for their contributions on wax; the kind of person when you hear the track, you spend more time listening to the background than to the so-called lyrics in front of them.

Here's to you, hip-hop hypeman. You may not have been the label's first choice for the record, but your skilled friend/cousin would have it no other way:

Honorable Mention: Lil Jon (-no group-)
If Lil Jon was in an actual group of rappers, instead of a group consisting of him and two burly negroes used to carry his records around, he would have not only been in the top five, but he would have pushed everybody else down a spot.

5. Crunchy Black (Three 6 Mafia)
He can't rap-- in fact, he can barely talk. You may ask, how is this motherfucker on the list. Easy-- if you have ever listened to or heard a Three 6 Mafia song, you will know that Crunchy Black is like your retarded cousin you move up, and pitch underhanded to in the backyard game of wiffleball. It's not so much "how" he gets it done, it's just that he does it, and has a good time. CB is noted for HILARIOUS gangsta walk, which you can find here

4. Sticky Fingaz (Onyx)
One sure sign of a good hypeman: his solo album sucks ass. I know that the Autobiography of Kirk Jones was critically acclaimed, but Sticky broke away from his formula of being an energy guy. The guy on "What if I was White" was NOT the same person who "chillin in the b-boy stance" and demanded the microphone before he "bust in his pants". Even when he made the classic dis track, "Jackin 4 Beats", he was Mr. Enthsiasm, putting the smackdown on 50, Juvenile, Ja Rule and others. Alas, the good old days are over. Go on, Sticky. Star in those made for TV movies. You can catch footage of Sticky here.

3. Freaky Tah (Lost Boyz)
The perfect hypeman. If you have ever listened to "Lex, Coupes, Beamaz, and Benz" or "Music Makes Me High", you can't help but notice the man who was crunk when Lil Jon was a nerd in Atlanta. [insert how much we miss Freaky Tah]. [Disregard the fact that his body of work was comparable to building a SOLO cup tower].

2. Ol' Dirty Bastard (Wu-Tang Clan)
A hybrid of sorts. On one hand, he was talented enough to release not one, but two gold albums and appear on arguably one of the best R&B remixes ever (Fantasy); on the other hand, he was relegated to minor roles on every post 36 Chambers album from the Wu-Tang. ODB may not have been a hypeman in the truest sense, but that was his role in the Wu-Tang. One that has been emulated by D12 and other groups I am far too lazy to look up.

1. Flavor Flav (Public Enemy)
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Cave, canem. I will smack you in the mouth.

Today, while housesitting for my in-laws, I prepared a delicious ribeye steak which had spent roughly an hour in the fridge marinating and cooked to perfection. Of course, during the course of preparing food outside, I went back indoors to retrieve a tasty beverage to enjoy with my food. To my horror, I found this fucking retard Golden Retriver gorging on my delicacy. I mean, His nose was on the plate, and my steak was floating in his gut with 82 rawhide chew treats that he is given a day. Sure, you can read this and think "Stupid-ass, you should have known better", but the lesson of this is simple:

Fuck dogs.

(not that way, you pervert)

This is not a rational dislike of man's so-called best friend because I am scared of them. I don't like dogs because they are nature's slacker-- they're the 34 year old guy you know who lives in his parents' basement, can't cook or clean up after himself, yet feels entitled to everything that his hard-working parents are having because he's "part of the family". Could you imagine leading such a life? I could, and that's why I fucking hate dogs.

NBA Draft Thoughts

Instead of using this space to club Isiah Thomas mercilessly, I will use it to soapbox on other things...such as Atlanta practically donating their pick to the Future Duke Busts charity in their selection of Shelden Williams. Look at two of the games where Dook played against NBA type players (at Georgetown, and vs. LSU). I know people are going to say that ACC games were more important, but in those two games specically, he was matched up with NBA caliber athletes. In both games, he was severely limited on the offensive end, and was not a factor on the defensive end. Moreover, he has proven he can't be the focal point of the offense because his offensive moves are like his high school sex game-- hope his boys can team up and help him get some.

Another pick I have major issue with is any Euro taken in the Top 15. Granted, these guys may have tremendous upside, but let's be serious-- when was the last time a Eurobitch has come here and won rookie of the year?

Okay, bitch-ass Pau Gasol won it in 2001-2002, but that doesn't really count. That's like saying that The English Patient is on equal ground with The Godfather because the both won Best Picture Oscars. That draft featured a guy with a heart defect going number four (Curry), a serial masterbator going seventh (Griffin), and a whitey going to Golden State at 14 (Troy Murphy). Arguably, the best player in that whole draft was taken 31...Gilbert Arenas.

So, the question is which player taken in the second round becomes this year's Gilbert Arenas. Looking at the draft order, the choice is between Paul Davis and Leon Powe. Davis, taken by the Clippers, has the benefit of playing behind Chris Kaman, whose ADD makes him a prime candidate for a random 20 week injury from falling down the stairs. Davis has the NBA size and skills needed to be a finesse big-man. If he were a Euro-ho, he would have gone in the Top 20. But since he's a honky from Izzo Land, he went in the 2nd round. Unreal. Powe is a guy who has all of the talent in the world, but the debilitating body of a 75 year old cancer patient. If he can stay healthy, and contribute when Camby gets hurt and Kenyon Martin goes Bad Yellow Nigga and gets a 30 game suspension, he's got a shot at a $60 million payday when his rookie contract runs out.

That's it, bitches. Expect more NOVA Reports.