Cave, canem. I will smack you in the mouth.

Today, while housesitting for my in-laws, I prepared a delicious ribeye steak which had spent roughly an hour in the fridge marinating and cooked to perfection. Of course, during the course of preparing food outside, I went back indoors to retrieve a tasty beverage to enjoy with my food. To my horror, I found this fucking retard Golden Retriver gorging on my delicacy. I mean, His nose was on the plate, and my steak was floating in his gut with 82 rawhide chew treats that he is given a day. Sure, you can read this and think "Stupid-ass, you should have known better", but the lesson of this is simple:

Fuck dogs.

(not that way, you pervert)

This is not a rational dislike of man's so-called best friend because I am scared of them. I don't like dogs because they are nature's slacker-- they're the 34 year old guy you know who lives in his parents' basement, can't cook or clean up after himself, yet feels entitled to everything that his hard-working parents are having because he's "part of the family". Could you imagine leading such a life? I could, and that's why I fucking hate dogs.