Boo Diet. Horray College Football!

So far, we're three and a half hours into the inaugral weekend of college football. Here are some of my notes:

- ESPN's selection in music is just apalling. Nevermind the Soul Asylum song that is played pre-game and before/after commercial breaks; Big and Rich are back with their abortion "Coming to Your City". Now, I understand the reason why it could be a good song choice-- the GameDay crew goes city to city each week. It's cute. But good lord...does ANYBODY like that song? I am not sure if coon-ass Cowboy Troy is around, but Big and Rich is not college football. It's not even soccer. It's county fair/rodeo. Please, oh please Tom Cruise, make it stop. Conversely, the music for ABC Sports sounds like a DJ Premier beat from 1994. Way to go Worldwide Leader. You lead the way in douchbaggery.

- Stacey Dales needs to be on screen more. Maybe ABC could do the whole full circle thing and just put a camera on her all game, even if it's just a small PiP screen of her doing mundane things like eating a hot dog, licking an ice cream cone, applying her lipstick, etc. Would any straight person complain?

- Here's a best-case scenario for anybody who's a college football fan: ABC finds a way for Keith Jackson to broadcast games from home. Saturdays are just not the same without him. We all miss his musk.

- Why would a team play Ted Ginn one on one on the outside? Seriously. That has got to be the most asinine strategy in sports.

- We need better early-season games. I say at least 3-4 per weekend before the conference games start. Instead of feasting on D-IAA patsies, why couldn't Virginia Tech and Iowa matchup for a home and home? It just seems like the best thing, because a loss early to a good opponent is something you can recover from-- like Florida State in 2000 national title game. I think teams should be penalized (per point) in the polls for how many touchdowns/field goals they give up to a lesser-division team. And if you lose to them, you're banned from bowl games for a decade. It should NEVER happen. Either that, or stop allowing those victories to count toward the BCS standing and/or bring back strength of schedule, or institute a playoff. Just a thought.

I'll be back...

America...Fuck No! Sort of.

So, Team America decides to drop one to a bunch of swarthy butt-pirates in the World Championships, and I have already gone through a range of emotions. Part of me is disappointed that the games started too fucking early to watch them on television. I mean, seriosuly, who gives a fuck if there is nobody there to see it live? The real money comes from American broadcasting rights. No need for a bunch of Japanese people to clap politely and engage in Mormonesque trash-talking. Then I was angry, because the team made me look like a (bigger) idiot due to my prediction of gold. But now, some 18 minutes after, I am relieved. This team showed improvement from the last showing in the World Championships (6th in Indy) and a similar showing to how they did in Athens (3rd). The team was missing it's two best outside shooters (Ray Allen and Michael Redd), arguably it's best perimeted defender (Kobe Bryant) and the most athletic big man in the world (Amare Stoudemire). So what does this mean? Well, for starters, say good by to Antawn Jamison, Joe Johnson, Shane Battier and Brad Miller. Your spots are pretty much gone. Secondly, it means that when Team America reloads for the North America/Caribbean qualifying tournament, I would expect Dream Team in 92 results. You don't want to piss off a sleeping giant, and I think that the bearded ass-fuckers from Greece just did that.